Rosie is my mother's mother. She is 85 and I adore her; she drives me crazy, but she is my Nani and always will be. Rosie-isms are amazing things that Nani has said over the years that is sure to get a laugh out of anyone at anytime; especially when said with an old lady voice and the hint (only a hint) of a New York accent. I will start with the most classic of Rosie-isms. Most of my friends have heard this one at least once, but it still makes me, as well as many others, laugh.
Rosie-ism #1: Sitting around the Thanksgiving table when I was about 14, we were discussing tattoos. I was saying how I really wanted one; all of the people who do not have any tattoos were telling me how bad it hurts. Nani is sitting, smiling, a little shorter than everyone at the table when suddenly she thinks of a good one and says to the table, "Hey, I got a tattoo." Insert record scratching noise here. We all stop talking and look at Nani with the "what the fuuuuuck" looks adorning our faces. She continues after a few beat and answers the question with "Yeah, it's of a mouse; it's right here," she lifts her shirt up a little bit and lowers the lining of the top of her pants. My father, who is sitting beside her has a look of horror on his face. "Where'd it go?" she says touching the area where her "tattoo" was hidden from her children and grandchild. We all lean forward to see. "Ugh," she says slapping her thigh, "the pussy musta ate it." Best joke ever... worst person to here it from.
Rosie-ism #2: this one is just a quote: "Guess I am doing PTA. Pits, Tits, and Ass" in regards to washing when she woke up late for a doctor's appointment.
Rosie-ism #3: "my tit is itchy," she says to my sister, "you know what the best cure for an itchy tit is," she looks around, "sex."
Rosie-ism #4: I took her to the beauty parlor to get her hair done. As we were leaving, I said, "Gee, Nani. Look at you." making a 'hey hot stuff face' . Nani responds, "Yeah, I look pretty good... feel pretty good too. Now if only I could get schtupped" (I know I did not spell that properly; I went about it phonetically. In case you don't, while it does seem pretty obvious, it means to get laid.)
Rosie-ism #5: She was telling me one day about this man who lives in the senior's apartment complex who always says hello to her and how he is so tan because he likes to sit outside and how nice he is. So I ask her, "So why don't you ask him out on a date Nani; invite him over for dinner." She looks at me as if she could smell something rotting and said with emphasis, "No, I couldn't. He's fat."
Enjoy!
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